The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
