I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
