Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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