grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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