Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
