he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize