party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
