Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
