there's paper in my vomit.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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