youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
