you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
not ubering you a puppy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
