You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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