hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
