3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
