She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
