R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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