This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
