i permit you to call me
are you so shy because you have an std?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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