Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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