i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
