Having a random hookup so left but love u
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
