I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
