So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
