The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
