so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
