matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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