He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
