dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
