I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
