Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize