I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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