Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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