I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
