its not stalking. its research.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
