You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
