I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
