You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He has the fingertips of a God
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