That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
