When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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