By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
