This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
