Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
