I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
