Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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