How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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