You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
