So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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