Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
time to smoke my breakfast
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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