my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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