You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
