i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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