I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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