He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
These tits shall not be calmed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
