My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize