She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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