its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
