I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
