So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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