I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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