i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
