I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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