boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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