OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
