Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
