you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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