If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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