we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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