So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
