I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
