I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
