Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
