R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
