We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
