final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
