I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
