the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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