Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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