i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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