The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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