I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
