Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
