OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
