if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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