We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
