My friends, they love my intelligence
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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