I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
